Wednesday, January 11, 2012

O.V.E.R.

It's funny the people the Universe throws at you. Mr. Accidental told me, and I know he meant just for tonight because he's particularly stressed and cranky due to his job, not to call him or text him so as to not wake him. He told me he'd email me tomorrow. I know he will. Yet, our emails have become less personal. I'm tempted to not call or text for a while. I think we both need the break. I appreciated the honesty. Normally, something like that would make me sad. But what's ''normal" anymore?

I think he's served his purpose for now. That's not to say that he won't at a later time. But I think for now, we're done. It's done. It's over. If there's one thing I've learned, it's when it's over.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

It's not that I'm taunting the Universe. It's that I'm saying, "I can take whatever life has to dish out." I have a philandering husband, a disabled child, a thankless job, a totaled car, a new car payment I don't want nor can really afford, but I keep hitting them out of the ball park. So keep coming at me life, and I'll keep knocking 'em out of the park.

Case in point? My credit score is now up to 612. Soon, I'll be back in the 700s. Now if I can get my weight down to the 100s. See? There are good things with keeping Tony out of my life. I really can't stand him. He's horrible. That's been my slow realization thus far. There is nothing good about this man. Sure, he's paying child support, but barely. We're begging for scraps. And really? It's not necessary. He should be working hard for his kids. But he won't. He won't work more than he has to. I hope he enjoyed the playoffs tonight, 'cuz he sure didn't call his daughter to wish her good luck on her first day of school.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year?

I come to 2012, sick, w/ a sicker child and one that is on the outs of loving me. I'm in a city I don't like, in a job that's barely paying the bills, w/out a faith, and still being abused by a pathetic soon-to-be-but-not-soon-enough ex husband. My car has been totaled, I'm realizing that I barely have any true friends and I'm still overweight. I think, more accurately, morbidly obese. I don't recognize myself. What happened to me over the past 10 years? What will happen to me in the next?

I'm optomistic that this time next year, I'll be in a better place, at least w/ a divorce under my belt and hopefully lonely as hell w/ no relationship with a man. Why do I wish that? I need time to focus on a relationship w/ me so that I can focus on a relationship with my children. And I need girlfriends. Real ones. Not ones that serve for gossip and are lazy (you know who you are). I need true friends that will mirror what I don't want to see when I need to see it the most.

I do have inner strength. I must. I must to continue on this path of uphill battles w/ a loser of an ex-husband. After all these years together, the fraud is still a fraud. Incapable of being honest. Had he just told me from the beginning, that he wasn't interested in being a Witness point blank, I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy on a man not worth my while.

But here I am now, at the beginning of a new year. And it has to get better from here. It just has to.