Friday, May 22, 2015

Letter To My Ex


Dear Ex:

It is no secret that I don't like you. In fact, no, I never really did. We did share some funny moments in the 9 years that we were together, unfortunately, the damage that your family caused you definitely spilled over in to our marriage. At this point, however, it no longer matters. I know you feel that you were abused by me, and maybe you were. I know for certain that I was abused by you for many, many years and it did begin, though you don't remember this part, 2 weeks into our 10 year marriage.

I know that our divorce has been full of contention for the past 4 years of being separated. I admitted to my wrong doings and yes, marrying you was one of them. I know that that makes you feel as if I am not taking responsibility, but I am. You are who you are, you are who you always have been and you will continue to be. The fact that I married you, while not really knowing you, staying married to you and then having children with you, whatever my reasons were, no longer matter either.

What does matter is that you are the father of my two children and I hope nothing more for you to be an active part of their lives. No, I don't feel that you are the best father you can be. I feel that you can be so much more. However, it is not up to me to make you that person, it is up to you and solely you.

I feel it necessary to pen this letter for my sake. To make certain things clear. Contrary to what the judge we recently saw stated, not only am I not "extremely jealous" of your new wife, I'm not even a little jealous. It doesn't hurt to see you with someone and as I told you while we were married, if you ever were to find someone, it wouldn't matter to me and it still doesn't. What does still matter is what I also said, "The more people to love my children, the better." Unfortunately, for whatever reasons your new wife may have, I feel that she doesn't love my children. I'm not sure if she is motivated by money, loneliness, or what, but again, that doesn't matter. I do know, that both of you, mainly you, failed, as is your pattern, to be honest with me from the gate. You and I had agreed that our children would not meet your significant other until certain previously made agreements between you and I had been met. These agreements were in place as a protection for our children. That is all this has ever been about. My babies. And you know that I love them more than anything in the world, even if they are half you. They are all them and they are beautiful children. Nothing pains me more than to see them suffer and I know they do. My sole purpose in life is to make them happy, provide for them and make sure that they become successful, self-sufficient, kind adults. It is not to accommodate anyone or anything above that. My children have and always will come first. I know that that is where we disagree. I know that you were raised that children were to be seen and not heard. But you see, dear Ex, I was not. And my children have a voice. I am that voice. I had hoped for their father to be that voice also. That is where I failed. I chose a father for my children that I didn't have to choose.

There are so many "I should haves" and "I shouldn't haves" that no longer matter at this point also. But please know that no matter how damaged you are, no matter how much damage you caused me that yes, again, I permitted you to cause me, I forgive you. Whatever damage you have caused our children, I hope that you salvage before it is too late. But mostly, I want you to know that I understand why you are who you are. I don't agree with it, nor do I feel that it is okay and I apologize for my part in your journey. I apologize that I allowed certain people to influence things that were none of their business. Things that were between me and you. But mostly, I just wanted to say, please, go. Be happy. And let me be happy too.