Sunday, January 31, 2016

Dating in a Post Divorce World

I'm not sure where I stand with dating at the moment. It seemed exhausting for a while, so I just didn't. Then I would talk to certain men and let them in little by little. It's never ended well. Not even under the most positive of circumstances. There has always been an animosity that staled. Whether it was intended or not. I've dealt with cowards, those afraid of confrontation (just another term for cowards), those afraid to grow (cowards again) and it's a wonder how many dysfunctional people are out there, yet somehow still... function. They go to work, pay their taxes, their bills, maintain their vehicles, help children with homework, sports, but can't manage to maintain any healthy adult relationships. It's almost scary. So again... I'm shelving it. Against the advice of a couple relationships "gurus", I'm not interested in putting myself out there again. Maybe out of fear of getting hurt. I really couldn't say at the moment. But I can say, that the last guy? The last guy hurt me deep in my soul and even admitting that publicly, here, is almost cathartic. I don't want to relive the details, but I do want to move on. I want to continue on my personal journey of self improvement. I know that it begins and ends with me. I feel blessed to have the beautiful children in my life that were bestowed upon me. I am blessed to have employment that I am good at and friends and family that, despite my own challenges, still allow me to motivate them. So, for now, once again, I am off the "market". I hate that term. But really, can you guys just leave me alone for a minute? I need to heal.

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