Strength

My Sunday mornings and Saturday evenings have become restful and peaceful. Just the way I like my life. Work is a constant stress factor because you can only deal with so many angry, emotionally and mentally ill people for so much. And that's just the staff! Hahaha! Actually, there is only one staff member that's particularly difficult to work with and I haven't figured her all out yet. Doesn't matter because I got a promotion last week and tomorrow morning, I will be handing in my two weeks notice to go work for another County Department. I'm uber excited to work with a team that seems equally as nice as the one I work with now and to see my paycheck just a tad bid bigger. The honest truth is that I'm struggling financially because my deadbeat of an ex-husband doesn't always pay his child support on time and if he does, most of the times it's been in increments. To be "fair", there was that one time he did pay it all at once. But he still complains and is a source of stress for me just the same as well. Thank God he's in another State. He's supposedly coming to visit our children this coming weekend, but I never hang my hat on any statements (promises?) he makes. Details of his trip are still being figured out, but that's on him and part of my living a healthier life is not stressing over someone who will never change.

Which brings me back to my healthier weekends. There are times I feel sad, but they don't last and this weekend was not one of them. I utilized my son's daycare so that my daughter and I could spend quality mother/daughter time together. I often feel she gets put on the back burner because of her brother's exceptional needs, so it's important to me (and for her) to spend special one on one time together. After all, she's my first born, I love her to death and she's my favorite little girl in the whole world. I tell her that everyday and she's now repeating it. She tells me I'm her favorite mom and her favorite dad. Even though I didn't set out to be both, it's still my silver lining. I can do it better alone than with that anchor that was dragging me down. He still tries and doesn't realize it, but slowly, the drag will become less and less as I get stronger and stronger.

Anew

I'm finally at a point where I'm ready to share this with the world again. I was apprehensive at first because I wasn't sure where I was and I was trying to figure myself out again. Not that that will ever end, but I'm becoming a tad more comfortable in my skin once more. I'm becoming more comfortable with who I've become and who I am going to be. I've (or maybe God) have exorcised those that stopped being useful and began being detrimental to my well-being. Just like addicts have to cease all communication with those that encouraged (enabled?) their addiction(s), I've gotten rid of some, let others go without the hope that they will ever return. And if and when they read this, they'll mock me to themselves. But that's a chance I'm willing to take. See, this is my healthy release. Writing. I'm a writer. And those assholes who (asshole, really) laughed at it, will never really get it. He thinks it's a waste of time. But I'm okay with his opinion, because it really has no bearing on me and how it makes me feel. Writing, on the other hand, makes me feel so much better when I'm done. When I've written what was in my heart, when I've dug down deep inside me, however painful it may be and put it on paper (or screen, you get what I mean), I can actually sigh with relief that I put it out there, in the Universe. Not with the hopes of helping someone, though I understand it may, but really, it's all self-centered me. It's my blog, my diary, about me, my life, my struggles, triumphs, goals and dreams. Yes, Mr. Negativity, dreams. Dreams I will never stop having until I've made them a reality and I will have an amazing life, because I am meant to (to loosely quote a beauty guru I love)! Never let anyone bring you down people. They're just not worth it.