I come to 2012, sick, w/ a sicker child and one that is on the outs of loving me. I'm in a city I don't like, in a job that's barely paying the bills, w/out a faith, and still being abused by a pathetic soon-to-be-but-not-soon-enough ex husband. My car has been totaled, I'm realizing that I barely have any true friends and I'm still overweight. I think, more accurately, morbidly obese. I don't recognize myself. What happened to me over the past 10 years? What will happen to me in the next?
I'm optomistic that this time next year, I'll be in a better place, at least w/ a divorce under my belt and hopefully lonely as hell w/ no relationship with a man. Why do I wish that? I need time to focus on a relationship w/ me so that I can focus on a relationship with my children. And I need girlfriends. Real ones. Not ones that serve for gossip and are lazy (you know who you are). I need true friends that will mirror what I don't want to see when I need to see it the most.
I do have inner strength. I must. I must to continue on this path of uphill battles w/ a loser of an ex-husband. After all these years together, the fraud is still a fraud. Incapable of being honest. Had he just told me from the beginning, that he wasn't interested in being a Witness point blank, I wouldn't have wasted so much time and energy on a man not worth my while.
But here I am now, at the beginning of a new year. And it has to get better from here. It just has to.
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